


How Qui-Gon Got His Groove Back

by MrsHamill



Series: Riding the Wheel of If [24]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-02
Updated: 2004-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:29:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6060421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon masturbates. A lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Qui-Gon Got His Groove Back

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Rita for the title, it was just a working thing until she said she liked it! Thanks are not enough, as usual, for Claude's beta work -- I couldn't do it without you, darlin'. I'm a helpless tweaker, so any mistakes left are mine.

"You are trying too hard."

"Believe me, I do not know how to try any differently!"

Qui-Gon and Healer Dotrick were sitting in her office, where it was far too warm as evidenced by the flush on Qui-Gon's face. He was positive there was no other reason for it, he was perfectly capable of talking about his sex life to Dotrick. After all, she wasn't even human, he couldn't imagine why he'd feel embarrassment in front of her.

"Qui-Gon..." Qui-Gon closed his eyes, took a deep breath and counted backwards from twenty, in Huttese. Her calm, overly-patient voice was beginning to grate on his nerves. "All right, fine. Let's start again, perhaps I've missed something." He doubted it. He didn't want to start again, either. "You are able to achieve an erection."

"Yes." Though that was a fairly recent thing, and he remembered seeing it one morning with an absolute overwhelming sense of relief. 

"You are able to achieve this with manual stimulation, as well."

"Yes." In the shower one morning, just a day or so after the morning erection. Thank all the little gods that Obi-Wan had been (and still was) off-planet with Maul and Jayden, because he was positive it wouldn't have happened with Obi-Wan there to witness his embarrassment.

Dotrick was frowning at him, and Qui-Gon winced. It was so easy to forget her formidable telepathic prowess. "Why do you consider a simple biological reaction embarrassing?"

"It's not," Qui-Gon said, looking anywhere but at her. "Not really... I just felt..." He groped for words, and she left him alone while he did so. That was the best thing about Dotrick, she was willing to wait for him to be able to articulate properly. "If... if Obi-Wan had been there, he would have wanted to... to... help. But that's not the right word. He would have been supportive, I know that, but..." but he would have been too supportive. Too forgiving. Earnest and grateful and ready with a dozen words of help and perspective and Qui-Gon _knew_ his hurt was less than Obi-Wan's had been, but he didn't need to hear it, not again...

Dotrick stared at him, and he almost felt as though she were losing patience with him, but that couldn't be possible, could it? "I think I understand, Qui-Gon," she finally said. "Let's continue. Though you have been able to achieve an erection, you have not been able to achieve orgasm."

"Yes." And that was another thing. If Obi-Wan had been there, he would have wanted to help Qui-Gon get off. And Qui-Gon wasn't at all certain whether that would have helped or hindered the situation. It was bad enough he was barely able to achieve an erection; not being able to come -- especially with his spouse -- would have made it infinitely worse.

"We have done a complete bioscan of you, and you are healthy -- no thanks to you and your penchant for ignoring doctor's orders. You have recovered from the abuse, both internally and externally, and there is nothing physical that is keeping you from achieving orgasm."

"Yes." Which meant it was all in his mind, and that just drove Qui-Gon nearly mad with frustration.

"Mental injuries take much longer to heal than physical ones, Qui-Gon." Yes, yes, he knew that, knew it intellectually. His body, however, wasn't so certain. "We need to see if we can get you to orgasm. Perhaps with the help of a device or a drug."

He sighed. "I don't really like the idea of a prostate-stimulating device," he mumbled. The idea of inserting anything rectally gave him... well, he didn't like the idea.

"It doesn't have to be a rectal device, Qui-Gon. We could try a vibrating device for your penis."

He sighed again. "All right, all right." He didn't think it would work either. "I don't suppose you carry a complete line of them."

"Actually, Lissa has just the device. We were discussing it the other day."

Oh, great. Now the whole Temple knew that Qui-Gon Jinn couldn't get it up.

"Stop that." Dotrick was frowning at him and her voice was almost harsh. "Tallis AnBatRa is your healer. We were discussing the problem in confidence. Do not presume that we would break that confidence, Qui-Gon, that is beneath you."

"I'm sorry." He swallowed. He was certainly mumbling a lot today. 

"I realize that this is difficult for you. I had hoped the fact that I'm a different species would help in the situation, help you talk about it. Perhaps I was wrong. Would you feel more confident with a human male mind-healer?"

"No." Qui-Gon almost surprised himself with his nearly instant rejection of that idea. "I'm sorry. I'll try better."

Dotrick let her head fall back against her chair. "Why am I not relieved by that statement?" 

It seemed the question was rhetorical, so Qui-Gon didn't answer.

* * *

The 'device' was a cock-sleeve, made of very soft material and hooked up to a small electric motor. He was able to figure out what it did within seconds, though he was intensely embarrassed by that knowledge. 

That evening, after he had sent Obi-Wan his evening message -- they were still off-planet, and probably would be for another few days, tracking down clues relating to the whereabouts of Darth Tyrannus and Jango Fett -- he moved into their bedroom, stripped down to nothing and climbed into their big bed. It still retained the Force echo of the two of them in happier days, which helped him relax and get into the proper mood. They still had quite a bit of the oil from Sinnisma left, and he used some of it to coat his lax penis, teasing it, running his fingers up and down, feeling it stir sluggishly under his hand. His other hand moved up his body to pinch his nipples, or down to tug his balls. As Dotrick had suggested, he kept his touch light and fleeting, tantalizing rather than firm, as he would have done before... well, before.

He closed his eyes and tried to conjure up an image to help him. Almost immediately, he remembered the last time he had entered Obi-Wan, one of the last times they had made love, in fact. It was shortly after the oil had arrived, he recalled, and he had fellated Obi-Wan while fucking him with that ridiculous green dildo. That had been an evening to remember, and it made him smile to think of it. It had ended near dawn, actually, and the dildo had been in both of them, at least twice, during the long, lovely night. He recalled Obi-Wan's ecstatic face as he had ridden Qui-Gon; Obi-Wan had been leaning back and toying with the dildo which had been deeply inside Qui-Gon while Qui-Gon had played with Obi-Wan's beautiful shaft. 

Yes, that was working, his cock was beginning to fill. He kept his mind on that evening. Later, he recalled how he had woken Obi-Wan from sleep 'the best way', with his mouth on Obi-Wan's cock. He recalled how surprised Obi-Wan had looked to be woken by an intense orgasm, and the taste of Obi-Wan's seed as it had jetted out of him. He couldn't recall ever hearing that type of sound coming from his spouse before, and he chuckled at the memory of it, as well as the memory of Obi-Wan's utterly flabbergasted expression.

His cock was nice and hard now. Trying not to lose the rhythm of his movements or his memories, Qui-Gon groped for and found the sleeve and slipped it over his erection, smoothing it down. It felt odd, not at all like being inside Obi-Wan, but when he turned on the motor, he realized that it not only vibrated, but that it had some sort of firm ring embedded in it that mimicked fellatio. It also warmed very quickly.

Not exactly as good as being in Obi-Wan's mouth, but not bad, either.

Oh, there was a lovely memory. They had been arguing about something, something very petty and stupid, and neither of them were interested in winning, just arguing, for some reason. They had ended up in one of the gyms and had chased each other around the salle until they had both collapsed against the wall in exhaustion. Without warning, Obi-Wan had dropped to his knees before Qui-Gon, tugged his pants down and swallowed him whole.

Later, he recalled Obi-Wan's laughter as Qui-Gon had begun making the most embarrassing mewling noises, and how that laughter -- with Qui-Gon's cock shoved in Obi-Wan's mouth -- felt on his erection. Then Obi-Wan had sneaked one finger back to tease at the entrance to Qui-Gon's body, and that... 

Almost without thinking, Qui-Gon let his still-oily finger dip between his legs, let it rub over his hole. That sensation, along with the intense electrical stimulation, made the world go white.

* * *

"So, it worked."

"Yes." Yes, it had worked; it had worked so well it was almost frightening. Qui-Gon couldn't recall ever having come so hard in his _life_. He had spunk _everywhere_.

"This is good, Qui-Gon. We're beginning to break through the trauma." 

Qui-Gon blinked. 'We'? Well, yes, he supposed she was entitled to that, even though the effort felt like it was all from him. 

"Believe me, it's no easy job working with you, Master Jinn."

For some reason -- perhaps it was her tone of voice, half acerbic and half amused -- that made Qui-Gon chuckle. "All right. I understand. Obi-Wan will be home in two days, I'd like to be able to properly welcome him."

Dotrick blinked. She was so hard to read, sometimes. "I'm... not at all certain you'll be ready by then, Qui-Gon. This is a long process."

"But I... I came! I thought that was the important part?"

"Tell me something." She gave him another one of her inscrutable looks. "I'm going to say something and I want your first -- I think you humans call it 'gut' -- reaction."

Suspicious, he nodded slowly.

"Think about Obi-Wan penetrating you."

Oh, little gods.

"Yes, I thought as much." She sighed and let him gather his sanity again, before continuing. "Qui-Gon, you have told me that you see yourself as the 'bottom' in this relationship. You enjoy -- well, enjoyed -- penetration. Obi-Wan prefers being on top. He enjoys penetrating. You are not up to penetration, yet. Recall your reaction when we discussed devices, how you were immediately uncomfortable with the idea of a prostate stimulation device."

Dropping his head onto his chest, Qui-Gon swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat. "But..."

"Yes, you will. Eventually. And for now, Obi-Wan will undoubtedly be happy to be the bottom." She stared at him until he had to look down, acknowledging her words. "For the next few days, until Obi-Wan comes home, I'm giving you orders that most human males would cry for. I want you to masturbate, at least twice a day, with the sleeve or without it, using any fantasy you wish. I want you to achieve orgasm as frequently as you feel you can. Do you understand?"

He nodded, oddly displeased with the idea of jerking off, even if he had direct orders to do so. "When Obi-Wan comes back..." 

"We'll talk about that when it happens, Qui-Gon."

* * *

Just holding Obi-Wan in his arms felt better than Qui-Gon could have ever hoped. All three Jedi were filthy, bewhiskered and exhausted, but they were here, and Qui-Gon had his spouse back.

Obi-Wan held him just as tightly. "Gods it's good to be home," he whispered, and Qui-Gon nodded. "Intellectually, I know it was better for you to have stayed here, but damn I missed you."

"I missed you too, Obi-love."

There was no debriefing, not until the next day when their own 'mini-Council' would meet to discuss the findings of the mission. It was still being held very quiet, and most of the Jedi were still living in the main Temple on Coruscant, waiting -- waiting for the roof to cave in.

Obi-Wan didn't really want to talk about it, and Qui-Gon understood -- it had been frustrating, he could see that in every line of Obi-Wan's body, and he knew how difficult frustrating could be. When they got back to their apartment, Obi-Wan stopped dead, just inside the door, and sucked in a huge lungful of air. "Home," he whispered. 

Qui-Gon plucked Obi-Wan's duffle from his nerveless fingers, then urged him into the room. "There's a shower in there with your name on it, Obi-Wan. I'll take care of these." 

Closing his eyes in gratitude, Obi-Wan let himself be urged. "Thank you." 

Qui-Gon shook his head in amusement as Obi-Wan began shedding clothing as he headed for the 'fresher. He just gathered the discarded clothing and dumped everything into the laundry. He had a few preparations to make to their bedroom before Obi-Wan got out of the shower, but first... He stuck his head into the 'fresher and called over the sound of the water, "Are you hungry?"

"Not really," Obi-Wan replied. "I'm more tired."

"I can understand that." Good. Stopping in the kitchenette, Qui-Gon pulled a platter covered with sliced fruit and cheese and a bottle of opened wine out of the coldbox. The glasses were already in the bedroom, along with the candles. Those he lit, letting their light scent refresh and relax him, as much as was possible, anyway. Then he stripped down to his shorts and sat on the bed, too nervous to recline.

When Obi-Wan emerged from the 'fresher in a cloud of steam, he had one towel wrapped around his hips and another on his head, which he was using to dry his hair. When he took that off, he suddenly froze, his mouth open as though he had been going to say something. Instead, he looked around the room, at the candles, the wine, the food, and finally at his husband, who was sitting on the end of the bed with what was certainly a strange look on his face. "Qui-Gon?"

"While you were gone," Qui-Gon began, shooting little glances at Obi-Wan but not meeting his eyes for longer than a moment, "Dotrick and I worked on my... well, we worked on the, uh, difficulty... My..."

"Your problem achieving an erection?"

"I was going to say impotency," Qui-Gon said softly, looking down.

"It's not impotence, love, you can believe me there. You are the most 'potent' person I've ever known." The words were delivered softly as Obi-Wan crossed the floor to his side, and though Qui-Gon smiled at the mild jibe, he didn't remark on it.

"That's not exactly how I've been feeling, though, is it." Still finding it difficult to speak, Qui-Gon swallowed. "And that's not how you've seen it, I'm sure."

"No, I've seen it as part of your healing process." Not removing the towel around his hips, Obi-Wan sat on the bed next to Qui-Gon. "You've done so much for me, to heal me, to help me heal, the very least I can do is to return the favor."

"Not that I've made it easy for you," Qui-Gon said, trying and failing to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"No, but you never became discouraged at my foul moods. Why should I become discouraged at yours?" Obi-Wan smiled again, ducking his head. "And anyway, I've always said anything that's worthwhile is worth working for."

Qui-Gon shook his head fondly. "You'll always try to put a good spin on things, won't you?"

"Where you're concerned, yes." He lifted the towel and ran it over his head briskly before tossing it to the floor. "Tell me what you and Dotrick have been working on."

"I think I already have." He watched as Obi-Wan ran his fingers through his still-damp hair. "I... well, I've managed to do my, uh, homework, at least. With a little help." He shoved his embarrassment aside -- this was his spouse, for pity's sake! -- stood, and walked to the bedside table, where his 'little help' sat. He handed it to Obi-Wan without a word as he sat back down.

Obi-Wan snorted in laughter. "A cock sleeve?"

"It's electric, no less." They both chuckled. 

"How does it feel?"

"Not as good as you," Qui-Gon replied instantly, then felt his face heat again. He looked away, hoping to hide it. "Dotrick gave me strict instructions while you were gone -- I was to masturbate frequently, and achieve orgasm as often as possible."

"Sounds like a dream mission." Obi-Wan's voice still held a smile, though it had dropped in volume and carried a suddenly husky tone that made Qui-Gon shiver. "Wouldn't it be nice if the Council assigned something like that? I think I wouldn't mind doing that myself."

"It was hard at first... I mean..." They both laughed and that seemed to ease a tight constriction in Qui-Gon's middle. "The problem, of course, is when I think about penetration." He rushed the words out before he could think about them.

Obi-Wan nodded. "I can see that."

"And, of course, the idea of having a partner doesn't sit well either." That damn lump in his throat was back.

Thankfully, Obi-Wan didn't reply, just wrapped one arm around Qui-Gon's waist and put his head on Qui-Gon's shoulder. They sat together in silence for a while, letting the peace and warmth of their home calm them. "So, what shall we do my husband?" Obi-Wan whispered, kissing the skin under his mouth.

Taking a shaky breath, Qui-Gon answered in a murmur. "Dotrick -- who seems as married to us as we are to each other -- had some ideas. I've... well, I've been able to masturbate. And reach orgasm, through masturbation. She said she doesn't want us to take it very fast, in fact, she said we should try, uh, mutual, mutual masturbation." There, it was out, and Qui-Gon waited, ridiculously terrified, for Obi-Wan's response.

He didn't even know what to expect, but he certainly hadn't expected the response he got. Nodding thoughtfully, Obi-Wan remained where he was, but squeezed Qui-Gon gently. "Makes sense," he finally said. "It lets us get used to each other again slowly, at our own pace."

Qui-Gon blinked and reared back enough to look at Obi-Wan full in the face. "Yes," he said, frowning. "That... that's right. I hadn't thought of it that way."

"That's why I'm the brains and you're the beauty in this partnership," Obi-Wan said with a devilish grin.

Almost against his will, Qui-Gon had to laugh at that. "You're dreadfully silly, you know," he said, shaking his head.

"I know," Obi-Wan replied with a wink, before leaning in and kissing Qui-Gon deeply. "I missed you so much," he murmured into Qui-Gon's mouth.

"I missed you too." Qui-Gon tried to do as Dotrick had instructed him, to simply revel in the taste and texture of Obi-Wan's kiss, rather than attempt to analyze his feelings about it. It was easier than he had expected, actually.

They kissed for long, leisurely minutes, mouths closed, then open, running their tongues over familiar territory, enjoying the building heat between them. They kissed until Qui-Gon felt relaxed and his body began to react to the gentle caress of lips on lips, to Obi-Wan's gentle fingers running through his hair. Finally, Obi-Wan broke off, reached for the tray of fruit and cheese and popped one of the berries in his mouth. He kissed Qui-Gon again, letting the tartness of the berry flavor compete with the sweetness of his mouth. 

Rather than get a piece of fruit for himself, Qui-Gon shifted them, urged Obi-Wan up so the towel he wore could be dropped to the floor next to the bed. Then Qui-Gon shucked out of his own shorts. He was half-hard, but Obi-Wan was rigid, his proud, beautiful cock jutting straight out and leaking, leaving little dots of fluid against his taut belly as he moved. They climbed onto the bed, letting the tray of fruit and cheese separate their lower bodies, and shared pieces, while murmuring little words of appreciation and love.

The wine was a lovely tart counterpoint to the fruit, and they shared it as well, keeping their voices to a soft susurrus of sound, incomprehensible words, letting their eyes and bodies speak more eloquently. 

With sudden thought, Qui-Gon picked up one of the berries and crushed it between his thumb and forefinger, using the juice to paint Obi-Wan's lips before kissing him again. Obi-Wan gave him a mischievous look before doing the same, painting Qui-Gon's lips and then his eyebrows with the dark red juice, then licking it off, lingeringly.

It was lovely, just playing, just _being_ with his lover, his spouse, his Obi-Wan -- no demands, no worries, just relaxation and fun and peace. Before long, the tray was mostly empty, the wine was almost gone, and every muscle on Qui-Gon's body was soft and lax. They enjoyed sharing the last piece of melon, passing it back and forth with their mouths, licking at the stray bits of juice that escaped. With a sigh, Obi-Wan sank back on the pillows Qui-Gon had built up, smiling sweetly. 

"Shall I show you how much I missed you?" he whispered, and his words as well as their intent went straight through Qui-Gon's body like an arrow, leaving a delightful tingling behind.

"Yes..." Qui-Gon replied, also leaning back but leaning to one side, so he could watch Obi-Wan. He reached out for and retrieved what little was left of the Sinnisma oil, the thick, pungent stuff that felt so good to use, and passed Obi-Wan the bottle.

Instead of taking it, Obi-Wan gave Qui-Gon a smoky smile and a raised eyebrow. Qui-Gon took the hint; he shakily tipped the bottle to pour some of the viscous liquid over Obi-Wan's genitals, over that furiously erect cock that was being slowly stroked. Raising it again before it was completely empty, Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan began working the oil into himself.

"I missed you so much, Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan whispered. He let his hand slowly pump up and down, squeezing on the upward motion and twisting on the down. One of his hands reached up and pinched his nipples, hard, just the way he liked it. "We were so busy we barely had time to eat or sleep, but I found the time to miss you. Every single second." 

Qui-Gon alternated staring into Obi-Wan's beautiful eyes with watching the motion of his hands. Done pinching his nipples into little points, Obi-Wan let his other hand drift down to roll his balls and stroke the skin behind them. "There were times when I wished I had that stupid dildo with me, so I could use it on myself and remind me of what I was missing. But I'd usually fall asleep before even thinking that far." Obi-Wan cocked his knee up and spread his legs so he'd have better access to himself. Qui-Gon twisted in the bed so he could watch better. His mouth was so dry and his hands were shaking so hard it was a chore to find the coordination to do so.

When Obi-Wan dragged his finger over his opening, he gasped and his eyes closed. "Oh! I can't... I can't wait any longer, Qui-Gon... I'm too close..." 

"Come for me, Obi-love," Qui-Gon said hoarsely.

With a gasp and an arch that lifted his middle straight off the bed, Obi-Wan came. His semen shot up his belly and pooled in his navel, while his hands flew over his flesh, milking the last of his orgasm out of him. Groaning, his breath coming in harsh pants, he relaxed to the bed again. His muscles looked like cooked noodles and there was a smile of pure satisfaction on his face.

Almost without conscious volition, Qui-Gon reached one hand out and dipped it in the little pool of spunk on Obi-Wan's stomach, bringing it back to his mouth for a taste. He heard a small gasp and looked at Obi-Wan to see his spouse intently watching him suck on his fingers. "Use it on yourself, rub it into yourself," Obi-Wan said, back to whispering.

Keeping his eyes locked on Obi-Wan's eyes, Qui-Gon put his come-soaked hand on his erection, then with a start, he looked down. He was hard, he was extremely hard and leaking, and he hadn't even known it. He glanced back at Obi-Wan, almost afraid -- almost expecting -- to find amusement in his husband's eyes, but instead found only love and happiness.

"That's it, love, rub it into yourself. I want you to smell like me." 

It was Qui-Gon's turn to groan. He rubbed semen into his chest and his belly as well as his cock, then reached for the bottle of oil, dripping the last of it over himself. It felt so good he almost felt dizzy with desire. 

Obi-Wan was watching him, and Qui-Gon looked into his husband's eyes as he began to stroke himself, working the oil in to his turgid flesh with shaking hands. "That's it, take your time," Obi-Wan murmured, licking his lips. "Tell me how it feels, Qui-Gon. Tell me."

"Guh." He squeezed himself sharply, derailing his orgasm for a moment. "Good. It feels so good." He slowed his hand down while his other hand played with his balls and rubbed his perineum. "I... I like it... when you..."

"You like me to watch you, don't you?" Qui-Gon nodded, almost incapable of speech. To his surprise, he found Obi-Wan beginning to harden again. "I like to watch you too, Qui. It's been too long since we did something like this."

"Yes." He remembered with a start, they used to do things like this, back when they were first married, when Obi-Wan's emotional problems would make any other form of love difficult. It wasn't so different, then, and not so difficult. He remembered how much he used to love watching Obi-Wan come, and realized it hadn't changed so much.

His legs were trembling and he realized his hand had sped up, squeezing and releasing just right. He moaned and his eyes slid closed. 

"No, watch me, love, watch me watch you," Obi-Wan whispered, and Qui-Gon dragged his eyelids up again. "Watch me as you make yourself come. Are you going to come for me, Qui-Gon?"

"Yes..." It was getting harder to keep his eyes open, but he managed as his orgasm rolled over him with the force of a tsunami. Before he could do anything, before he stopped throbbing and gasping Obi-Wan was reaching for him, to capture his spunk for a taste. Utterly boneless, Qui-Gon sank into their bed and watched Obi-Wan lick his fingers, one by one, as though tasting a treat.

"That looked good," Obi-Wan murmured with a chuckle. "About as good as mine."

"Abstinence?" Qui-Gon asked wryly, and Obi-Wan chuckled.

"You know how I feel about that." With a self-satisfied groan, Obi-Wan stretched himself out on the bed, pulling and tensing his muscles, raising his arms over his head in a complete, beautiful extension. "What else did you and Dotrick talk about?"

"Various things," Qui-Gon replied, sleepily ogling his beautiful husband. "She said we should do only what I felt comfortable doing." Whoops -- he hadn't intended on letting that one slip.

"What I feel comfortable doing now is going to sleep," Obi-Wan said, completely unaffected by Qui-Gon's words. "Sleeping and holding you, all night long. How does that sound to you?"

Relaxing again, Qui-Gon smiled. "I'd better clean us up first, then." He went to rise only to be stopped by Obi-Wan's hand on his arm. "Here's my towel, love. Lets just go to sleep, shall we?"

Using the still-damp towel on himself, Qui-Gon smiled. "Sounds good to me."

He didn't even have one nightmare that night, and Obi-Wan held him, all night long.

end


End file.
